I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
