Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
