A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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