the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
