It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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