I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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