THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
