dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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