You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
