Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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