I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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