all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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