Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
