Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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