the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
