you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
