Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
