i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
