my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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