Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
