If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
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She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize