Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
