I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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