I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
