Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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