youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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