No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
