remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
