My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
