you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
