You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
