Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
