he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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