Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
