is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
