Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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