Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
