It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
