hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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