I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
