Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
