Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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