I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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