her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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