I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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