Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
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I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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