and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
