Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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