Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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