1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize