It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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