i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
