Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize