I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
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They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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