i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
