I think I am morally bankrupt
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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