My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
