Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
