Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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