But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
