Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
