The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
