somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
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the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can't turn off my feet"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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